Sunday, May 15, 2005

God and the Genetic code

Saint Peter was busier than usual when his cell phone started chiming 'Amazing Grace'...God's personal ring tone so he had to answer.
ST PETER: Yes Lord? Pray ye make it quick, I'm swamped here, the line must be ten miles long.
GOD: Sorry, Pete, it's just that I wanted to let you know my genetic code program crashed again.
ST PETER: Oh no! What did it do now?
GOD: Well, to tell you the truth, and you know I always do, I'm really not sure. I was trying to straighten out two codes at once and somehow mixed up the human terrorist gene with the aggression gene of the lion. Just as I pulled the terrorist bit out of the terrorist code, the lion page dissappeared. I'm not sure where it went...might be another Lucifer virus.
PETER: So what do you want me to do, Lord?
GOD: After you've checked off the basic ten on each of the souls in that line, find me a computer nerd with less than two marks against him and send him over to my throne. Make sure his I.Q. is above one-sixty, okay? I don't want no psuedo genius working on my program.
ST PETER: I'll see what I can do but it might take a while although I realize we've got all the time in the Universe. I prayed for you not to put that genius bit in the random genetic code system you know...
GOD: Come on, Pete, you know better than to question my judgement...besides, I had to do it. You know how little of their brains my humans were using.
ST PETER: Sorry, Lord.
GOD: That's better. Look, if you ant me to I'll send Jesus over there to help you out. I know that malaria outbreak in Africa has got you a little busier than usual but you know Lucifer caused that mess.
ST PETER: No thanks, the last time he helped me out he spent more time forgiving those five-checkmark souls than he did casting them into hell.
GOD: Please quit telling me things I already know, Pete. You know how stubborn he can be at times. I'm thinking about sending him over to help John the Baptist anyway. Since John lost his head he's been delving into the medical field. He recently informed me he thinks he's discovered a way to obliterate that cancer code Lucifer hacked into the wellness code.
ST PETER: Okay, Lord, I'll do my best but don't expect miracles...
GOD: Sometimes your sense of humour cracks me up, Pete but I know you'll do your best. Oh Jeez, I better get off now, Mary's out fooling around in the apple orchard again. She knows what happened to Eve...sometimes I just can't control that girl. Oh yeah, I'll be gone tomorrow for a few eon's. That new world I created in Universe four needs a population created.
ST PETER: Well, good luck although I know you don't need it...but may I please make a suggestion?
GOD: A suggestion? Sometimes you just almost step over the line, Pete.
ST PETER: I know but I just pray you will use your basic Jesus genetic code...maybe it'll create a better life form.
GOD: Prayer answered and denied, Pete. You know his code is missing the free will byte. And besides I already did that with Ghandi and look how much good it did. Hmmmm...maybe I'll try it again although not before I add the free will bits.
ST PETER: As you wish, Lord. I've got to go now too as someone down the line is waving the Koran and jumping up and down. Guess I've got to chew some butt.
GOD: Ha! Lot of good that'll do. At the last God council meeting, Ali, Budda, and I had quite a time wrestling that anger code around...not much of anything came of it. Don't rag the guy too hard, Pete, he's just expressing what he's been taught.
ST PETER: I'll try to be humbly angry, Lord.
GOD: Bye then, talk to you in seven days unless the big bang I caused in Universe five created a time warp in four then it might be seven billion days or so. Some things just get out of hand.

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