Monday, May 16, 2005

God call the Don

THE DON: Hello?
GOD: It's God, Donald. I just called to discuss 'The Apprentice'. I'm not too happy with it.
THE DON: You don't like it? Jeez, it's getting the best ratings...
GOD: War gets high ratings, Don. Look at that Iraq mess--preempted everything for weeks when Dubba decided it needed rousting.
THE DON: Boy, Lord, you got that right although it really would have been a wow if we'd just had the tanks gold-plated.
GOD: That's one of the things I called to talk to you about...this obsession of yours about gold is pissing me off a bit.
THE DON: But I like gold! It's classy stuff!
GOD: I'm afraid your putting the Midas touch on everything is going to be the downfall of your show, that and those gluttonous banquets you're televising in your penthouse and all those two-hundred-dollar-a-plate restaurants. The average American can just stand so much of that kind of showing off, you know.
THE DON: But all I'm doing is showing what happens when you go after the 'American Dream'...
GOD: You mean you believe the American Dream is unlimited wealth and power?
THE DON: Well, isn't it? I mean isn't it pulling yourself up out of the quagmire of just 'making a living and aquiring enough wealth and power to have anything you want?
GOD: But, Don, you never did that, did you? You were born into wealth, remember? What you did was just take a small fortune and make it bigger...I see nothing in your past that could even remotely be called 'pulling yourself up by your bootstraps...nothing about personal entrepreneurship...about starting with nothing but ambition and a burning desire to escape the rat race.
THE DON: But that's what 'the Apprentice' is all about. I mean we interview over a million applicants to find twelve of the best!
GOD: There's another thing that bothers me. One of your criteria for 'weeding out' is the applicant must already have been a success in their own career.
THE DON: Certainly!
GOD: And you assume this will instill your viewers with the motivation to pursue the American Dream:
THE DON: Of course!
GOD: Whew! I guess I better send Jesus down there to have a little talk with you and Dubba. Seems like you think alike...of course your backgrounds have a lot of similarities.
THE DON: Dubba? Who's Dubba?
GOD: I haven't got time to go into Dubba's problems...let's just say he's someone like you who needs a lot of educating about what the reality of the poor and the working class is all about.
THE DON: Hey, Lord, I've got my favorite charities...I give away a lot of my money!
GOD: Perhaps so but your values are still askew. Don...are you listening.
THE DON: Oh... sorry, Lord...just trying to figure out who Dubba he richer than me?
GOD: I'm going to hang up now; Jesus is on the way.
THE DON: Wow! Can I put him on my show?
The phone clicks and thunder rolls across New York.


Blogger little sister said...

too funny, Porch :D the previous post was, @ the Donald wondering if Dubba is richer ;-)

1:21 PM  
Blogger porchwise said...

Thank you but it didn't do much good to enlighten the Don. Now he's producing a Martha Stewart 'Apprentice' show...that should be a real comedy...wonder if she'll clink into the boardroom in her ankle bracelet?

2:09 PM  
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