Tuesday, October 04, 2005

God calls Hank Erwin

Hank: Hello?

God: You better sit down, Hank.

Hank: What? Say, how'd you know I was standin' up, anyways?

God: According to your theology, who knows everything?

Hank: Lordy mercy, it's Jehovah!

God: That's right, Hank, and I've got a bone to pick with you. Whatever gave you the notion that I caused those hurricanes to hit the Gulf coast? Surely you must know I don't use my Godly powers to influence the weather.

Hank: But..but, what about the great flood? What about Noah?

God: A really rousing story but Samuel was sipping a little too much wine when he wrote that and I'm afraid his imagination got ahold of him in the wrong way...otherwise he would have realized it would have taken Noah forty days just to swat all the flys off the elephants.

Hank: Well, gawllllly, I never thought of it that way.

God: Beside the point anyway, Hank. What's really got me peeoed at you is that statement about "sin always brings suffering to good people as well as the bad"...what wall did that come off of?

Hank: But I thought...

God: No, you didn't think. What people do with their money and how they live their life is their business. I don't have the time or inclination to go around and create havoc among my people. I gave man free will for a reason, mainly so I wouldn't have to do such vengeful things. And, even if that were the case, why didn't I cause a storm and sink that boat Darwin was sailing on when he was developing his theory of evolution?

Hank: What?! Mercy, mercy, you're the Devil in disguise!

God: Nonsense...and, by the way, why didn't you include Alabama in your statement? When did Alabama become the sin-free state? A whole slew of those cars in Casino parking lots had Alabama license plates.

Hank: Well, Jehovah, I kind of had to ease off 'Bama...after all that's where my voters are...

God: Exactly! Now that's what I would classify as a 'sin', lying by omission. Better get busy and straighten up your act or I might just 'smite' you with a tornado or two.


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