Saturday, February 25, 2006

Flash Fiction Friday #26

Remember? How could I forget? I recall it specifically because it was the first (and last) time I was told I was a lousey lover. It took me years...well, months anyway, to recover from that devestating blow to my ego. I probably wouldn't have been that devestated if she'd had told me up front she was a hooker, but she didn't. It was my first trip to Vegas, I picked her up in a bar and we (I thought at the time) both got soused. We went to my room, I did my thing and then she asked me for the money. I thought she needed to borrow some and laid a twenty on her. Wow! She smacked me pretty hard and said it was a hundred minimum and I was such a lousey lover she should charge me two hundred.

I found the hookers in Spain a much more pleasant experience...or maybe Italy...or France...or....

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Flash Friday #25

My hand! Oh God, my hand...such a wonderous appendage! When my hand takes the brush, dips it into the paint and swoops the brush across the canvas in strokes bold and brash, I am overcome with awe! If only I could arrange the thoughts in my brain to direct my hand to create an image I could recognize-- but, alas, I am just a Chimpanzee. Evolution be damned! Oh well, think I'll go peel a banana.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Flash Fiction Friday 24

Night falls over the Land of Oz. There are ten thousand stories in the Emerald City, this is one...
Putting the Scarecrow in charge of Oz was the biggest mistake the Wizard of Oz made. Maybe the Tin Man would have made a better leader because of his new heart...but maybe not. No one will ever know as the Tin Man finally figured out that a heart shaped watch on a fob was nowhere near a real heart. The Scarecrow tried to rationalize it for him by telling him a heart beat has a regular rhythum like a watch but, alas, the Tin Man never bought it. Using his axe, he chopped the Scarecrow into bits and used the pile of straw to Barbeque the cowardly Lion who'd quickly lost his courage when a 'little person' knocked him out after the Lion threatened to take away the 'little person's' lollipop.
Dorothy never learned of these sad events because the Wizard of Oz was not only a flim-flam man, he was also a dirty old man. Before he dropped Dorothy off at Aunty Em's, he had his way with her but was surprised because he wasn't the first; Dorothy had already fooled around with the hired hands in Aunty Em's barn.
The Emerald City had left its mark on Dorothy and she soon grew bored and moved to the only comparable glitz city in the nation, Las Vegas. She became jaded very quickly and led the life of a call girl until she married Cletis Forothy. She was then teased and taunted about her name--Dorothy Forothy-- divorced Cletis and became a Stormchaser for the rest of her life, hoping to chase the right tornado, be lifted up and carried back to Oz. Most people thought she was pressing her luck and they were proved right as she was chasing one particularly evil tornado, took her eyes off the road and ran her car into a river where she drowned.

Author's note: No one who's autitioned for American Idol by singing "Somewhere Over the
Rainbow" has ever made the cut and went to Hollywood, however they say it's always been popular at drag shows.