Sunday, May 14, 2006

FF #36

A cool breeze licked the back of her neck when Louise opened the tent flap and stepped outside. Although it was early May, the Rocky Mountain air was still cooling down to the low forties at night but she had to go. George had dug a potty hole in the ground below the fork of a fallen tree and she carried the toilet paper over there, peeing for what seemed like five minutes-- damn George, damn beer!

After she finished, she went back to the tent where George was snoring like a grizzly. She zipped up her jacket, slid his rifle out of the tent, slung it over her shoulder with the strap and walked out of the campsite and into the woods. Dawn had broken well enough to cast a dim light in through the trees and she followed the markers (foot long strips of two inch wide yellow crime scene banner ribbon) George had pinned to the trees. As she reached each marker she jerked them down and stuffed them into her jacket. A wry smile curled her lips as she thought about George and what he would do when he woke up with his usual hangover and found her gone.

____________

George rolled over and felt like a loaf of baking bread as the sun beat down on the tent. He sat up with a groan, saw Louise's empty bedroll and he crawled out of the tent. "Louise!" he shouted and the sound echoed off the mountains. "Goddammit woman! Where you at?" He went over to the beer coller, picked the last beer out of the tepid water inside and drank it greedily while pissing on the ground. He threw the can into the woods and turned around and went into immediate shock as he looked up at the grizzly bear looming over him. The grizzly snarled then swiped George's head off with one giant paw.

____________

Louise waited a week before reporting George missing. She weepingly told the police he liked to go camping along but this time he hadn't returned.

Park rangers discovered the campsite a week later and found only George's left hand. One month later Louise flew off to Paris to camp out in a luxury hotel with George's life insurance.

10 Comments:

Blogger Slave to the dogs said...

Hmmm, grizzly attack on demand...that could be quite useful!

8:33 PM  
Blogger angel said...

i like, i like, yeehah!

10:41 AM  
Blogger JJ said...

Why doesn't anyone ever write a story about a loving husband who's really good to his wife and then she kills him for the insurance money anyway.

11:52 AM  
Blogger porchwise said...

jj, my wife assures me that plot is a regular on Lifetime TV. That's a written-for-women show which I abhor and she loves. I read, she views the trashtube and that's the way it is around here.

BTW: Sorry about the typo..should have been 'alone' and not 'along'.

4:47 PM  
Blogger sweet trini said...

"...picked the last beer out of the tepid water inside and drank it greedily while pissing..."
most fabulous imagery!
walk good.

5:58 PM  
Blogger James said...

This could be the basis of Werner Herzog's next film.

10:05 PM  
Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

Good story, but I have to make sure that the Missus doesn't read it and get any inspirations.

11:22 PM  
Blogger gizmorox said...

Am I bizarre for loving the imagery of the bear sweeping his head off in one fell swoop? Because I do. Very cool.

5:00 AM  
Blogger mojoala said...

Mahvahlus stoey dare Porchwise!

10:51 AM  
Blogger Flimsy Sanity said...

Now to compile these stories into a collection for insurance investigators.

12:55 PM  

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